thoughts about leaving.

this is for you, 

who's leaving for college.

when you got your letter of acceptance,

you go mad,

but a good kind of mad.

like it's unbelievable,

and you are happy

because you are about to leave.

months before you go,

you might feel these butterflies,

these excitements,

and you feel like you cant wait,

like you're ready

you got like 

these pictures inside your mind,

how your life is going to be

or

how you'd like to design your own apartment

or

you'd like to reinvent your life

 you thought everything would be fun,

how you got to choose the color of the couch,

or

the brand of your detergent,

but months passes,

less than a week,

you're going to leave,

and you started to get afraid.

the butterflies changed into stomach cramps,

the excitements changed into anxiety,

your 'hows' changed into 'what ifs'

all the beautiful, rainbow, bubbly images about your life

turned into

something dark, gray, and twisty.

you still got little of the excitements,

of course.

but you weren't that ready

like once you thought

and you'll never be ready.

you'll be a little clingy,

and when your friends couldn't make time for you

you'll be mad

even when you know you're not supposed to.

but maybe,

just maybe,

it's okay to be afraid.

maybe it's okay to be not okay

with the thoughts of leaving. 

p.c